What does the fear of living mean? Of course people fear dying. But living?
I have reasons to believe that this is a genuine fear. When we speak of a “comfort zone”, a fear of dying would be the floor and a fear of living would be the ceiling.
Unless we break past this ceiling, our lives will only remain confined to a fraction of what it can possibly be. While it is fine for some people, it is an obstacle for those who want to live life as fully as possible. To understand more about the fear of living, let us examine the origin of fear.
The Origin of Fear
Why do we have fear?
From an evolutionary perspective, fear is an emotion programmed in us to keep us alive. Imagine if our ancestors did not have fear! Their chances of survival would have been pretty slim, wouldn’t it? And we probably would not be here now.
It was the sensation of trembling fear that kept humans away from life-threatening situations. Anything from getting close to predators, leaving the tribe that gave them protection to consuming poisonous mushrooms. Fear has proven useful.
So what is the problem?
Fear in the Way of Life
The problem is when fear gets in the way of the life that we feel truly inspired to live.
You see, human civilization has made leaps in progress. Under present living conditions, the chances of having your life seriously threatened are significantly minimized. We are not likely to get killed by any ordinary action in our day-to-day lives.
However, our physical programming remains unchanged. Fear can still manifest itself in other aspects which have life-denying effects.
Life-Denying Effects of Fear
To illustrate the life-denying effects of fear, let us look at fear taken to the extreme – phobia.
Fear Taken to the Extreme
People with phobias have an extreme fear of things, some of which appear to be relatively harmless to most. While there are the commonly known phobias like the fear of heights and spiders, there are also less known ones like the fear of laughter and buttons.
The fact is that phobias are barely rational at all. To the puzzlement of most, sufferers often struggle to explain why they feel such a disproportionate amount of fear towards something. It is because they are simply gripped by the feeling of fear in the body.
Fear has no limits and can go as far as the imagination allows. For example, a germophobic could feel fearful almost wherever he goes as long as he imagines the potential presence of germs. If everywhere feels unsafe, where would he end up in? In a bubble perhaps…
Fear in the Way of Dreams
Of course, not all fear go to such extreme lengths. There are milder and more common forms of fear that would be less puzzling.
Fear of social rejection. Fear of failure. Fear of the unknown.
But they are not any less life-denying. Why?
When one has a fear, there is often a need behind it. The need comes from an attachment to something which one consciously or unconsciously believes to be important for survival. This fear/need/attachment can often get in the way of achieving our higher goals in life.
For example, the fear of rejection and failure would be an obstacle for an aspiring entrepreneur. The fear of the unknown would be an obstacle for someone seeking adventure.
While a life where dreams are not lived may not be too bad, it may be questioned whether it is a life fully lived. Going back to the analogy in the introduction, I would like to add that fear consists of walls as well. The more fear there is, the less space one has for living life.
Fear on a Collective Level
While we have examined fear on an individual level, fear can also manifest on a collective level. In fact, it can easily pervade the psyche of an entire population due to its contagious nature.
In Singaporean society where I am from, fear is jokingly part of the national identity. The defining traits of a typical Singaporean are commonly cited as “Kiasu” (“Fear losing” in Chinese dialect) or “Kiasi” (“Fear dying”). It is not hard to see how this translates to the downsides of the culture which is a highly competitive and risk-averse way of life.
What if I fail?!
What if I don’t get that job?!
What if I get judged?!
What if X/Y/Z…?!
How stressful it is to live life like this! Life is surely more than just trying to get ahead of everything. And we are surely not meant to just stay in a safe bubble forever too.
One will also find that problem is compounded by another strong fear – the fear of deviating from the group. This is particularly true in collectivist societies where the interests of the group are given more importance over those of the self. It may even be deemed a virtue to give up your personal interests for the group. With things like morality and reputation at stake, collective fear can exist in many layers.
Deconstructing the Fear of Living
In my opinion, it is necessary to deconstruct the fears that govern our lives on the personal and collective levels if we really want to live our lives to the fullest.
Deconstructing Narratives
To understand how collective fear has such a strong grip on us, it is important to understand the role of narratives. Culture is made up of narratives after all.
Survival-Based Narrative
Generally, narratives that are more closely based on the theme of survival effectively generates fear. It creates a strong duality of “Do or die” in the mind. When people say that they are “going to die” (a saying that is loosely-used in everyday situations, at least in my culture), they are often referring to catastrophic outcomes that they have imagined rather than actual physical annihilation.
But we do not want to be limited to these two options, do we? Ideally we want to empower ourselves by creating more options to choose from.
Debunking Myth of Fear
Before that, you may be asking the following:
Without fear in our lives, wouldn’t we make reckless choices? Wouldn’t we stop making progress?
The above illustrates two popular beliefs regarding fear – that it is needed to avert disaster as well as to achieve what we want.
However, I would like to debunk these myths.
Myth #1 Fear to Avert Disaster
It is untrue that you need fear to stay safe from disaster.
For example, people may believe that they need fear to not contract a disease. However, what they really need is just logical thinking to calculate risks and devise precautions. The presence of fear can be very minimal or non-existent at all.
Moreover, what happens outside of us is often beyond our control. If disaster were meant to strike, it will strike no matter what. The last thing we want to do is to hand over our power by fearing it. It is wiser to accept the worst case scenario if it happens and move on.
Myth #2 Fear to Achieve Outcomes
Just because fear had been present in the process leading up to a successful outcome, it does not mean that it is necessary for that outcome to happen.
For example, students may believe that they need fear to do well for their examinations and job-seekers may believe that they need fear to find a job.
However, fear can actually be self-sabotaging as it diminishes our ability and sense of confidence. It can also often be sensed by others even if we do not realize it.
Instead of fear, one can achieve what they want by substituting fear with higher emotions that are more powerful. I can support this claim from what I have observed in my life and those around me. For example, the chances of getting a desired job seems to be effortlessly improved when one chooses to let go of fear and embrace peace and joy.
Rising Above Fear
Finally, let us address the crucial question. How do we rise above fear?
We need to have something called courage.
Having Courage
What is courage?
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”
Nelson Mandela
Contrary to popular belief, courage is not the complete removal of fear but the taking of actions in spite of fear.
David R. Hawkins, one of the most respected researchers in the field of modern spirituality, states that the embodiment of courage is the energetic threshold whereby one starts to head towards the direction of truth which supports life rather than the direction of falsehood which destroys life.
Although fear might feel like a gravitational field that weighs us down, it is not impossible to escape from it if one possesses the will to do so. Courage is important in overcoming fear once and for all due to the vicious cycle of fear.
Breaking the Vicious Cycle
“He who fears he shall suffer, already suffers what he fears.”
Michel de Montaigne
The above quote illustrates the vicious cycle of fear whereby one gets trapped in fear by the fear of fear itself.
What is fear? Essentially, one can think of fear as a weak level of consciousness/vibrational energy. As one chooses to remain at this level of consciousness, one tends to attract what is of a similar energy level. This is why sometimes the things that we fear happening end up true.
Unless one breaks the vicious cycle of fear, the fear is bound to show up repeatedly and hold one back. It is high time to break the cycle, I would say.
Taking a Leap of Faith
It is my belief that courage will be duly rewarded. Those who are willing to take a leap of faith into the unknown shall reap worthy rewards. Again, I have witnessed that happen in my experience. I would like to encourage you to take action towards fully living by leaving a quote.
“This is how magic is done. By hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering it’s a feather bed.”
Terence McKenna
Conclusion
So, do you think you fear living?
The fear of living is a real phenomenon that prevents us from reaching our highest potential and living to the fullest.
Understanding the origin of fear helps us to see how it may work against us now. Besides examining fear on a personal level, we also examined fear on a collective level. I explained fear in terms of consciousness to show its workings in the world. To deconstruct the fear of living, we have to deconstruct the narratives that create fear as well as the myths of fear. Lastly, one has to have courage to rise above fear.
