Can you see the big world even from the countryside? In this guest episode with Thao from Vietnam, we talk about her journey of returning home to rural Central Highlands after years of working in Ho Chi Minh city. Thao shares about the highs and lows of trying to build a life back home – how she turned her house and garden into a homestay with guests from around the world, the harsh social pressures that she faces and how she overcame them with her core principles in life.
Xin Lei: Welcome back to an episode of Unbox Your Life. It’s been a pretty long while since I posted the last episode, so sorry for that. I’ve been travelling to many places, and I’m now in Vietnam, the last part of my trip in Southeast Asia. Currently, I’m in the Central Highlands. I’m in this very cozy homestay surrounded by beautiful nature, and it’s just so relaxing. I’m so lucky because I met the young lady behind this, who has a very interesting story. Her name is Thao, she’s the host of this homestay, and I would like to invite Thao to give us an introduction of herself. So Thao, please.
Thao: Well, thank you, Xin Lei, for having me on the show. And hello everyone. Let me introduce a bit about myself. My name is Thao and I’m 32 years old. I currently own a small homestay where I create a chance for international travelers and locals to have the interaction. And before, I worked for so many companies with different jobs from customer executive to teacher, saleswoman to interpreter. You know, I have a very well-paying job, but I still feel lack of fulfillment. And then, sometimes I feel lost in my life. In 2023, I decided to quit my job and then I moved back home.
Xin Lei: Where were you working at?
Thao: I have worked for 6 years in Ho Chi Minh City, a very well-known city for the hustling and bustling life.
Xin Lei: Oh, Ho Chi Minh. Actually, I was at Ho Chi Minh City before I came here. It was my first stop in Vietnam, and my impression of it is that, like, wow, it’s so busy! Even the traffic kind of shocked me. It was very busy, and I was kind of stressed out by that. But over here, in the Central Highlands, it’s so different. It’s a very different lifestyle. So I imagine it must have been a huge switch for you, right? Can you tell me what was the turning point for you to make this switch?
3:22
Thao: You know, I had to struggle to survive in Ho Chi Minh City. I made money, but it also made me exhausted. So when I decided to come back to the rural area, it’s just 50% of the anxiety or stress that I got from Ho Chi Minh City. And 50 will come from the video and then the movie that I watched. I saw a video on YouTube with the title: Life is easy, why we make it so hard? So it made me believe that I don’t need as much as I thought. And the other movie named Little Forest, where a group of young people decided to come back to the rural area and start up.
So I also believe that I, myself, as a very talented girl, you can say like this, and that I have the desire to live my own life. And yeah, this is the awakening moment that I decided to move back to the rural area immediately.
Xin Lei: Wow, immediately! Yeah, amazing to make this decision. And it seems like you’re very sure about this decision. How has that turned out for you? Like, are you happy with the decision after 2 years?
Thao: After 2 years, so to be honest, this is the greatest decision that I made ever in my life.
5:22
Xin Lei: Hmm, I’m sure you’re proud of yourself. Tell us a bit about the difference in the life in the city and in the rural.
Thao: Yeah, so when you think about a city, you will think about the pollution. And the second thing will be the pace of life. It’s so hustling and bustling and crowded, so people, they don’t have time for themselves. They just go with the flow. They go to work, they back home, they take a rest, and then like a circle. They don’t have enough time to think about what they really, really want about their life. The other thing is it’s really convenient for you to make money and then have the connection in big city, and you know in big city you need to, how can I say, be competitive as much as possible. And you need to fast, you need to have a good performance. If not, you will be left behind.
But in rural area, it’s totally different. The pace of life is really slow, and then people have time to take care of family. They have time to think about themselves, think about life, they have time to connect the deep relationship with the other neighbour. So I think that’s a good thing and the most important thing is that I want to have a very fresh and clean environment. Imagine that you live in rural area. You have a small house in a very green garden. Every morning when you wake up, you can hear the sound of the chickens, you can hear the rice field or you can hear the moving of the buffalo. Sometimes, you can hear the sound of the birds, and then sometimes you smell the good scent from the blossom flowers. So you know it’s about the energy. It’s not just about the food or the other things. But because you already stayed here for about 6 days, you might know what I mean.
Xin Lei: Yes, it’s like words are limited to describe it. It’s just something you have to experience it for yourself to feel how nice, how calming it is.
Thao: You know it, but you also need to feel it.
Xin Lei: Correct! It seems like you’re really happy with your decision to move back home, and I’m really happy for you to have made that decision.
Thao: Thank you, it’s so nice of you to say so.
8:48
Xin Lei: The other thing I’m curious about is so after you came back, how did you suddenly have this idea to create a homestay and to start hosting people from around the world?
Thao: I don’t feel happy when I live in Ho Chi Minh City, and then from the waking moment I decide to come back home. So when you decide something, you need to take the responsibility for that. So I’m back home and then the first thing that I think about is that I need to have accommodation. I need to have a house to stay, then I need to feed myself. So that’s why I start my garden to have good food to stay healthy. And then I have more time to play with myself. And then I realise that I cannot live alone. I need a community, I need someone to learn from, and then I need someone to share about all of my ideas. So it seems like the universe hears me. One day I searched on Facebook, and then I saw a post. It talked about how good the volunteering platform named Worldpacker is. So I figured out, and then I searched all the information on the internet. For those who don’t know about Worldpacker, I will brief some information about this. Worldpacker is a platform, to me, it’s the greatest platform ever. In this platform, the volunteer can register for a very small fee and then they can travel for one year. They can apply to any host on the platform, and then if the application from the volunteer is good enough, the host will be the one who approves, and then they have the deeper conversation.
Xin Lei: And that’s how I met you.
Thao: Yeah. Thanks to Worldpacker, we met each other. And when I started using Worldpacker, I hoped that I would have 1 or 2 friends from around the world. But incredibly, until now I already host more than 60 volunteers from more than 30 countries.
Xin Lei: Wow!
Thao: That’s amazing.
Xin Lei: Yeah, that’s amazing! More than 30 countries. It’s like the world comes to you.
Thao: Yeah. Your saying reminds me of a sentence from one of my favorite volunteers. She comes from Germany, and one day I told her, Hey Freya, her name is Freya, I am so sad I don’t have money, and I am really jealous of you because you can travel around. You have more chance than me. You see more things than me. You learn a lot of things compared to me. And then she said, Oh no, you do nothing. You just stay at home, and then we volunteers come to you know, you’re like a queen and now the volunteers travel for you. So we laughed a lot at that moment because she said something hilarious, but it’s true.
12:52
Xin Lei: (Laugh) That’s funny! Queen Thao! So cute. Okay, I see. So you built this homestay and you built the garden and you built a community. It seems like coming back, you were able to build so much. Did you expect that that would happen?
Thao: Before I thought very simple. Okay, just pack my bag, my backpack, and then back home, and then life is easy, simple. We just go with the flow, and then we can have a very good life. But I am totally wrong. It’s not easy for you to live in rural area than in the city. You know, first of all, it will be from yourself. You don’t have much skill to live in rural area because in rural area normally every people they will know how to have the gardening work. They know how to live in harmony with the neighbourhood, and they know how to save money, not spend too much. But for me, because I don’t have much money, and then I start from a very empty land. I build a house, and then I start a garden. So it took me a lot of money, energy, and time. So sometimes I make a mistake, and then I doubt about myself. Should I give up? Because it’s also really exhausting to live in rural area.
And the second thing that makes me really upset is about my family. Even they really, really love me. But because of love they want to stop me doing something different than normal. So, to the Vietnamese mindset, if you are a girl, you need to get married. You need to have a baby. You need to have a good job. So, if you have a husband, children, and money, you have a very safe life. So, they often tell you, Hey, if you don’t have a husband or children, who will take care of you when you get older? If you don’t have money in your bank account, like a billion, so when you get sick, who will take care of you? So, it’s just about the feeling of unsafe.
And then, it’s also about the judgment from society. Like at that time, I was still young. I believe I’m still young. But people, they said that for the girl who is older than 25 years old, they will be the leftover woman. It means no one needs them. And then they are the losers because they cannot survive in city and then they go back home. And then they depend on the family, something like that.
Xin Lei: Oh man, that’s so harsh. Yeah, it’s difficult. Is it true that the social expectations in rural Vietnam are particularly strong?
Thao: Let me think about it. Because I don’t have a chance to travel to so many countries, so I wouldn’t know if it’s the same or not. But yeah, maybe you are right. In Vietnam, the society’s judgment is really serious, and it’s really strong. So you know, in rural areas, people don’t have time to travel to the big cities. They don’t have a good life. So, their mindset will be kind of reserved, and they just see what they want to see.
Xin Lei: So, when you came back from the city to the countryside, how were some of the people’s reactions to that?
Thao: They don’t dare to talk to me directly. They just have a gossip with each other and say, Oh, that girl, I know her. She just came back home 1 week ago and then did nothing, just stayed at home. And then her parents just feed her, and then maybe she is a loser. She is unemployed, and then now no one wants her. She doesn’t have a boyfriend or something like that. She is a very poor girl. So it makes me sad.
Xin Lei: Of course, you must feel so bad. I mean, they don’t know you, they don’t understand you. It’s easy for them to judge you without knowing anything that you are going through. I mean, because I don’t live in the village in the countryside, but in the city there is also this kind of judgment. But I think not to the level of the kind of judgment in a rural area. This may be a rural area where everyone knows each other. Am I right?
Thao: Almost everyone. Everyone in the rural area, they will know each other. You know, especially in Vietnam, when you finish the work in the rice field, you have nothing left to do. So the only thing for the leisure activity is that you will go to the neighbor and then you exchange information. You update about your family information and then the information is already old. So you need to make up a story to have something interesting to tell. This is the reason why they take my story for the gossip conversation. I am the victim of the Vietnamese rural area society. (laugh)
Xin Lei: I see, they need some drama.
Thao: But I’m happy with that. Before, I cried a lot because I cannot accept. But now, I’m happy with that. I accept. It’s just about the life.
Xin Lei: Wow, oh man.
Thao: Oh man!
20:18
Xin Lei: I see, I hear you. I can only imagine how hard it must have been to be subjected to those judgments. But I think you are also very strong because you managed to still do what you’re doing. How do you manage to stay resilient despite these kinds of social pressures?
Thao: You know, I am just a normal person. I am not a superman or something. So, of course, in some moments of my life, it will be like up and down, up and down. I realise that it’s just about the thinking. When you have a good thinking, you will have a good life. I realise the core principle to be happy with everything that you have is harmony.
Xin Lei: Can you tell us more about this?
Thao: To be easy and simple, I will take an example about my garden. If you water too much, the plants will drown. If you don’t water enough, the plants will die. So, just enough water for the plants and trees. First, you need the right balance of rest and work, exercise and relaxation time with others, and also time for yourself to self-reflect. And when these things are in harmony, everything flourishes. You feel strong, you think clearly, and then your heart feels at peace. So, you are living a life of sufficiency. The key word is enough.
Xin Lei: Enough. Balance and harmony…
Thao: And enough. So when you have one thing, and you have more, you want to have more. You are so greedy, you are chasing, chasing, and you don’t want to stop. So, it’s also not good. So, just enough.
Xin Lei: Umm, like when we are hustling, something is out of balance, and that’s when we feel we don’t feel well. We feel burned out, stressed, and anxious. That means something is out of balance, right? So, Thao, what are your current projects that you’re working on?
Thao: Currently, Thao Homestay is my main project, built on a simple philosophy: A home well-lived for all. I have been both a traveller and a local. I create this homestay like a bridge to connect the travellers and our local community. It’s more than just a place to sleep, it’s about a harmonious hub where we believe that by sharing what we have, we create something better. We offer a very high-quality, authentic experiences where guests can truly live a life like a local at an affordable price. But what we make us different is our mission to inspire positive change. We want our guests to not only enjoy their stay but when they leave, they leave like an angel. They make the meaningful impact to the community that they’ve been to. So to be specific, I told you about live like a local. For example, we have a bedroom like this and you have a very hard mattress, not soft like hotel or any kind of accommodation in Airbnb because in Vietnamese Culture we believe that our backbone will curl like this. if you have a hard mattress, it will help you to fix your backbone. So your backbone will not hurt if you curl like this. It will not be the good fit, then time after time you will have a back pain.
Xin Lei: I didn’t know that! It’s interesting.
Thao: But you don’t dare to say, you don’t dare to ask, Hey Thao, why is my mattress so hard? or something?
Xin Lei: (laugh) I mean… I don’t ask!
Thao: And for the healthy diet, it’s not like a restaurant, it means everything just from the local market and from my old garden. Sometimes, if I don’t have enough time to grow my own vegetables, I will buy them from my neighbour. They will be happy with that. And then my mom is also a good cook, not just because she is so talented, but she loves to welcome the new people. And then she loves to share the good things with other people, so she puts a lot of good energy into the food. So this is the reason why the food tastes good.
Xin Lei: Yes, I can confirm that I’ve been eating very well. In Chinese, we say Kou fu (口福).
Thao: Fu means happy? Xing fu (幸福)?
Xin Lei: Yes.
Thao: Kou fu. Kou means mouth and then fu means luck or something?
Xin Lei: Hmm. Bliss? By the way, Thao speaks 中文 (Mandarin) very well.
Thao: 我会说一点点。I can speak just a little bit.
27:11
Xin Lei: Not just a little bit, it’s actually quite a lot. Yes, so Thao, what do you wish to achieve with your projects?
Thao: So when I come back to rural area, the first thing that I think about is I need to be self-provided. It means I just need to have a house. No need to be big, small but cozy. So this is the reason why when I’m back, I immediately build a house, and it’s super small. Just 24 square meters, two rooms, one for working and one for sleeping. Then the underneath will be the open space I call it living room. So when I have time, I can spend time to meet my friends and then also work on the table, a very open space where I can look at the garden and enjoy the fresh air.
For myself, when I’m 35, then I think about my family. So I need to do something to make sure that my family also gets the benefit, and then I also have the money to support them in some house. If I do homestay, so my mom will be a cook, and then my dad will be a gardener. And then maybe in the future, when my homestay develops, so my older brother can be the driver, and then my sister can be the tour guide, something like that. You know, so when you do something good, the whole family will have the benefits. So after myself and then my family, the next will be my community. Because my living mindset will be to live and to give. The universe already given me so many things, so I need to give back to balance.
Xin Lei: Balance. The key word.
Thao: Yeah. So the first person, the first people in the community that I really want to help is nowadays farmers. They work really hard on the rice field and then on the farm, but they don’t get enough compared to the things that they deserve. I do agriculture tourism to help them. It means that I can have the farm tour, garden tour, so the farmer can be the local guide, and then they can have money from that. Or I can buy the organic fruit and vegetables from the garden, they also have the benefits. Or they can make some kind of specialty. I can help them with marketing, or I can help them to sell it at a very good price. Next will be the rural kids. Because, you know, there is a very big gap between city and rural area. In the city, you have a lot of chance to go to international school, to interact, to learn something new. But in rural area, after school the kids need to go to the rice field to work or to support the parents. So sometimes, if they want to learn something new or they need to go to better school, they need to pay money. Sometimes they don’t have that money, so it will be limited to the good opportunity. So when I have homestay, I have international travellers. So sometimes I will have the English class, I will have soft skill class, so they have a chance to interact, improve their confidence, improve their communication skills, improve their language skills, and the most important thing is that they believe that one day they can travel like a traveller and then one day they can be a tour guide. One day they will have the chance to speak English, all the other languages. So it means the doors are always open for them when they have enough knowledge and I really, really wish for that.
Xin Lei: Wow.
Thao: So I talk about foreigners, rural kids, and you know, inside my heart, I really love my country. I love Vietnam. I can say, I can speak out loud. So I realise that nowadays we already leave the land behind. You know, in rural areas, it’s hard for you to see the young people, the young generation. All of them just pour into the city to find a better life. So in rural areas, it’s just elderly farmers. And so, when you leave the land behind, the culture also fades away. Because we are the ones who created the culture and when we left, who will keep the culture? And who will make it develop? Who will introduce it to the world? So remember, the land, the place where the culture grows up, and then the people who create it need to be the ones who protect it from erosion or fade away. So I decide to come back home, and then I keep my parents’ land, my parents’ garden, and also my grandpa’s. So I keep the land, I do homestay business, so it’s also a good chance for me to introduce the culture to the world.
And you know, I cannot go directly to the farmer and say, Hey, please stop polluting the environment, please stop using chemicals, please stop using plastic. They never listen to you because now they need to care about their children. They need to send their children to school. They need to work to have money to have food. They need to work to have money to take care of themselves. So when you say something that doesn’t make sense to them, they will not listen to you. So I just keep silent, and then I do my own work, and then let my success, my achievement, speak out for me.
Xin Lei: Yes, that success speaks for itself. Well, you know what I admire about you is that I think you have such a good philosophy that guides you, and I like how this philosophy is about giving and you recognise the interconnectedness between everything, like yourself, the environment, and the people around you. You’re trying to find win-win solutions. You’re not just doing this for your success, but also the success of your community, of your country.
Thao: Yeah, I have a sentence to say. The other success and happiness is also my success and happiness. I define myself as helper or assistant.
Xin Lei: Yeah, the work that you’re doing is uplifting other people. It’s greater than yourself. That’s what I respect about you and the work that you’re trying to do. Also, I imagine it must not be easy, especially when the community could be kind of judgmental, or they only maybe see the short-term results. Because I believe that great work takes time. Yeah, so whatever you’re doing now, keep up the good work.
Thao: You’re right, everything takes time, just like gardening. Yeah, like it took me four years to have the rambutan tree get fruits. So, like human beings, it takes nine months to have a baby. So when something happens very suddenly, it means that it’s just a disaster, you know. It will not last for a long time.
Xin Lei: Okay, so I wish you all the best in the things that you’re doing now, and would you like to end off by sharing with the audience how they can reach you if they are interested in your homestay, also just to ask you any questions?
Thao: Yeah, it seems like I already talked a lot. So if you would like to be a part of my Thao Homestay family, if you are ready to live like a local, like Xin Lei already do, please follow us and message us on Instagram at @thaohomestay because on Instagram I post some videos and pictures so you can imagine how my life currently is. And you also can visit my website www.thaohomestay.com to see my next adventure. And it’s time to say goodbye, right?
Xin Lei: Yes.
Thao: Yeah, thank you so much for all of our lovely audience because you’re already really patient to listen to the end to our conversation.
Xin Lei: Okay, thank you, Thao. Thank you so much for your time to come on this guest episode. And that’s all for today, everyone. Goodbye.
