Coming from the tropical city-island state of Singapore, I had little idea of the 4 seasons until later on in my life. What do spring, autumn and winter feel like? In which sequence do they occur? What does each of them represent? I could not know about something outside of my direct experience.
You can imagine my excitement when I was encounter the seasons for the first time during my university semester exchange to South Korea in the spring of 2019. What it showed me was only a prelude of what was to come again when I subsequently headed to New Zealand in the winter of 2022.
The seasons certainly have much to teach a girl from the tropics about life. Here are some reflections on the lessons from seasons for me.
The First Bloom: Semester Exchange in Korea
That spring semester at KAIST (Korea Advanced Institute of Science and Technology) in Korea, something in me bloomed for the first time.
Perhaps, it was the realisation of newfound freedom. It was the first time that I could live overseas for an extended period of time. Or perhaps, it was youthful fantasy come true. Did I mention that it had been a teenage dream of mine to study in the land of my K-pop idols?
Nonetheless, I felt happy for the first time in a long time. I could not even recall when was the last time I felt that emotion deeply, I shed tears in disbelief.
The fact is that life before that point had not been very fulfilling for me. In my second year of university, I faced a full-blown existential crisis. “What was the point of doing anything?” I thought. I almost wanted to drop out for good. Something about the pathway that I had been through since young felt so deadening.
I held on, in the hopes that something will change my mind. Spring semester exchange in Korea did that.
Impressions of Spring
Spring was beautiful.
My university was a spot for cherry blossom viewing in the city. The roads were lined with cherry blossom trees that painted the landscape a tinge of pastel pink. When I walked along the roads to class everyday, I literally did so with a spring in my step.
The temperature outside was just right. (It was refreshing to not be complaining for once about how hot and humid it is!) A faint but sweet scent from the flowers lingered in the air. I happily dolled up in a floral dress, feeling all girly. The flurry of petals swirling in circles in the breeze was like a scene staight out of a romance drama. No wonder South Korea is known as the capital of romance.
I remember waking up to swaying flower branches outside my window, questioning myself in a daze if it were just a dream. It felt so serene.
At that moment, I understood the symbolism of spring. It represents coming to life again.
I truly felt that I bloomed like the cherry blossoms. I felt alive.
This happens to correspond with the meaning of my name. Lei comes from 花蕾 (“hua lei”) which refers to a flower bud. At the prime age of 21, the time to bloom from a bud to a flower finally arrived.
Cherishing Every Moment
As much as I relished the beautiful sight, I knew that it was not going to last forever.
Coming close to the end of the season, I felt a slight sense of anxiety and sadness. What could I do to stop the seasons from changing? Nothing. That was one of my most humbling lessons from nature. I could only cherish every moment of that beauty while it lasted. It was the definition of ephemeral.
Similarly, I knew that my exchange would eventually end. I would have to return home, or to “reality” like my fellow exchangers said.
Something in my heart rebelled against that. Is reality meant to be uninspiring and dreadful? Why would I want to settle for such a “reality”? My exchange experience living in a foreign country had shown me new possibilities for how I could experience life. I knew reality could be something more.
If it was any consolation, I told myself that at least spring will come again. That was a glimmer of hope in that knowledge.
Then, it was time to return home.
A Complete Cycle: Working Holiday in New Zealand
Fast forward 3 years, the second spring of my life did arrive.
But it was not without a harsh and brutal winter. After returning home, I fell into major depression. It was one of the most difficult phases of my life. Family/relationship problems, the pressure of final-year thesis and a global pandemic deepened my existential woes.
I still longed for spring. But I did not know when it would come again. The world came to a standstill with the lockdown for about 2 years.
During that time, I graduated, took a gap year to soul-search and started my first job. Although these are considered milestones, I did not feel much about it. Something in me knew I was not living the life I truly wanted. But I kept the faith that those were in preparation for something more.
The moment the international borders reopen, I left everything behind and went on a working holiday to New Zealand by myself.
Dreams Are Worth It
Somehow, I ended up going in winter instead of spring due to passport constraints. I was glad I did. That winter was a childhood dream come true.
Growing up in Singapore which lies 1 degree north of the equator, I have always been curious about the opposite of a hot and humid climate – a cold winter. In particular, I was fascinated by snow. As a child, I dreamt of all kinds of scenarios related to snow. Playing snowball fights, making snowman/snow angels, skiing, etc.
Imagine my excitement when I experienced snowfall in Lake Tekapo. I jumped and ran around like a little girl! How could I not when what I had only been able to imagine in my mind for so long suddenly turned into reality before my senses? It felt magical and surreal. For this, dreams are definitely worth it.
Holding onto Hope
During my time in Lake Tekapo, I witnessed the transition from winter to spring. I learned that the seasons work a bit differently in this part of the world. The transition was not as clearcut as I thought and it stayed pretty cold even though it was moving into spring.
However, one thing could not be mistaken – the flowers. The florals were almost all in bloom, painting the outdoors with a palette of colours. The realisation still did not hit me until one afternoon. I was working as usual when I caught the familiar sight of pink petals swirling in the air outside the window. It sent a strong ripple of emotion throughout my body. Was it nostalgia? Happiness? Gratitude? I am not sure.
I was so glad I held onto hope, because hope did not fail me. Tears welled up in my eyes as I realised that the second spring that I had been waiting for came again.
The Second Spring
If the highlight in Korea was the cherry blossoms, the highlight in New Zealand was the lupins.
My then-colleague Chiharu (now partner) knew how hyped I was for the lupins that I was counting down to its appearance in late November. In fact, it was on my bucket list to be in a lupin field before I went to New Zealand. I would never have guessed that these pink and purple flowers are an invasive species!
I came alive again, this time with someone else.
Embracing Change
Towards the end of our work in November, Chiharu was clearly struggling. He loved Lake Tekapo and our workplace so much that he could not bear to leave. The thought that things were coming to an end soon brought up sadness in him. I understood that feeling as I had been through it.
I told him, “The end is another new beginning”.
In a tropical country, the climate never changes except for rainy seasons. As a result, I did not understand the concept that things around us are constantly changing and moving in phases.
But from my experience in South Korea until now, I have come to learn that change is not a bad thing. In fact, it is a deep consolation. A life where nothing ever changes offers no hope. It is the indisputable truth of change that gives meaning to the phrase “This too, shall pass.”
The cyclical nature of life is what creates room for growth and regeneration. If we do not move on to the next part of our journey, we cannot grow.
Therefore, it is ideal to embrace change. Choose to focus on gratitude for the experience and carry that in the journey ahead.
A 1-Year Journey
Since then, my journey has brought me on adventures throughout summer, autumn and winter (again). I went on a caravan roadtrip around the South Island, met new friends at a summer blueberry picking job, checked out the beautiful autumn foliage and did WWOOF-ing at different places (during the downtime in winter).
At age 26, I have finally gone through a complete cycle of seasons. That also means it has been 1 year of my journey. I must say it has been a wholesome one.
Thank you, seasons.
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