Let’s Stop Criticising the Next Generation

Every generation seems to have something to say about the following generations. More often than not, these comments are of a condescending nature.

As part of the millennials/Gen Z, some of the criticisms that I have heard directed towards my generation include “lazy”, “snowflakes”, “strawberry generation” and “privileged”. With the new kids on the block Gen Alpha (2010 -) now, I am seeing a similar attitude from my generation towards them.

Could it really be that we are getting progressively worse? I doubt so.

There must be some reasons behind why this pattern persists. I would like to examine why these criticisms are unfair and make an argument for why we should stop doing it.

Why The Criticisms Are Unfair

1) Different Generations, Different Values

As each generation grew up under different circumstances, they would naturally develop different sets of values.

What we lack tends to become a value. For example, one who grew up lacking money will tend to value financial stability. One who grew up lacking affection will tend to value loving relationships.

However, these are not considered equal. If different types of lack exist simultaneously, the ones that are immediately essential to survival will take priority. After the lack is filled up, it no longer remains a value. The next lack that is not filled up becomes the new value.

This is described by the Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, a motivational theory in psychology by Abraham Maslow which classifies human needs into 5 tiers.

Moving Up the Hierarchy of Needs

I can use the Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs to explain the difference of values between my grandparents, parents and I.

A great deal of change can occur over a generation which spans 20 to 30 years. This is especially so in the last century where the rate of change has increased exponentially.

Singapore is a young nation that only gained independence in the year that my parents were born (1965). It has grown at an incredible pace over the decades, transforming from “third world to first” in the words of founding father Lee Kuan Yew.

As far as I know, my maternal grandparents were immigrants from Hainan, China. Wanting to escape from poverty, they settled down in Singapore. My mother grew up in better material conditions, but one where she was still not free from the fear of financial instability.

Fast forward to now, I am lucky to be born into a generation of material affluence. Even though my family falls under the lower income bracket, I never had to worry about not having enough money growing up. I also never knew anyone around me who is struggling to survive materially.

However, what I do observe among many of my peers are issues like mental health struggles and finding a lack of meaning in what they do. The fact that they are fully clothed and fed does not invalidate the fact that they have needs that have yet to be fulfilled.

To be more concerned about values like self-actualisation than making a living may seem like laziness and entitlement. While in fact, it is merely a natural progression to move up the hierarchy.

2) The Pattern of Ego

Let us go back to the view that each generation is worse than the one before it. If that were true, I reckon humanity would be declining over the course of history but that does not appear to be the case.

Why then does it seem that each generation likes to criticise the next? This pattern may simply be coming from ego.

The ego itself is not bad as it is a defense mechanism to keep us alive. However, someone who is overly attached to the ego may exhibit certain behaviours to try to keep their sense of self intact. For example, a person may refuse to take blame for something and pass it onto someone else instead. After all, it is easier to blame external things than to take up personal responsibility when something goes wrong.

Likewise, it is much easier for a generation to criticise the next generation for their perceived faults than to admit that they have played in part in creating the conditions for the next generation.

Letting Go of Ego

The grip of the ego is something that we all can learn to let go of. Fortunately, there seems to be a sign of general improvement in that indicated by a trail of significant social movements over the last century.

When we consider how the older generations were mainly identifying with their ego in the survival mode, it makes sense why they would view emotions as a weakness. Emotions are more of a matter of the heart rather than the mind and body. As emotions would literally threaten survival, they had to suppress it.

As we move beyond the survival mode, what happens is the inevitable shift away from the mind and body to the heart. Emotions come up to the surface to be experienced when it is safe enough to do so.

In the book “It Didn’t Start With You”, the author Mark Wolynn states that suppressed emotions can travel down a family lineage until a descendent is ready to feel it. This rings true in my personal experience as I am spending a bulk of my attention on unpacking issues like this.

It is unfair to label the younger generation as fragile “snowflakes” or “strawberries” while they are actually opening up to emotions that might have been suppressed by the generations before.

A Bigger Story

The truth of the matter is that these changes that are happening from one generation to the next are not isolated events. They are part of a bigger story beyond the context of each generation.

Evolution

When we look at the way that changes are happening, evolution is at play. Although it might appear like regression, there is really only progression.

As the older generations were mostly in the survival mode, they could not afford to pay attention to certain things that were less essential to survival. But due to their efforts of a lifetime to fill up this lack, it enables the following generations to enjoy a better foundation for focusing their energy on other things.

This is how things evolve and get better. So why should we get in the way of it?

Moving Forward

Instead of criticising the next generation, we will do better to support them. Moving forward, I would like to suggest a few ways that each generation can do their part to break the pattern of destructive criticism.

1) Guiding the Next Generation

Firstly, each generation should see that they have a responsibility to guide the next. What does it mean to take up responsibility? It is basically to acknowledge that one has a part to play in contributing to the situation (and resolving it as well). The wiser thing to do is often the harder thing to do.

When you are tempted to criticise the next generation, examine your intentions. Is it to pass on blame that you couldn’t handle, put them down to feel better about yourself or coerce them into doing what you think is right?

Now you might have a question. Does that mean we are not allowed to point out problems with each generation anymore? Even if it is a real cause for concern? No.

One can take a loving and constructive approach to criticism by gently pointing out the problems and offering to find solutions. For example, each generation can pass down wisdom gained from their life experiences to the next. The trick is to share it with respect and trust that they can still figure out what works best for them.

2) Having Discernment

What I have described above is an ideal situation. However, the present reality might be leaning towards a critical than supportive environment. Due to the pressure from older generations, many young people are pushed to give up what they truly need in life which contributes to the pattern of destructive criticism towards the next generation later on.

Therefore, each generation should learn how to resist the pressures from the above generations by having discernment.

What does it mean to have discernment? It means to look at the big picture, recognising what is at stake and answering to what is more important.

Let’s say you see that most people in your generation are struggling with mental health. There is clearly a sign of an urgent need to work on that. When accused of being “privileged” or “fragile”, do not let that be a reason to back down on what matters to you and your generation.

This may be more difficult in certain cultures, such as in Chinese culture where the concept of filial piety is highly regarded. Filial piety states that it is our duty to respect our parents and make them happy (even at our own expense) because they brought us into the world and raised us.

However, it is not impossible to still carry out this duty while making discerning choices that they may not like. In fact, it can be a way of expressing our gratitude by making good use of the privilege that we have been given to further good causes.

Conclusion

Imagine what a better future we can create if we work on top of the efforts of past generations, using the foundation that they have already created to live in an authentic way that answers to our greatest values?

I envision that we will make much more progress, thereby setting an even better foundation for the future generations to come.

That does not mean that the future generations will have it any easier as they will be working on what we could not take on in our limited capacity. It is all interconnected.

No generation ever has it easy. So let us stop criticising the next generation.